Fumbled Pass: Blood Bowl (PC) II

In my last post, we cleared up the fact that Cyanide studios have done a sterling job of translating the game of Blood Bowl to a digital format. It's fun in all the ways the original game was; the feeling of making a long pass for a touchdown will never leave you, believe me. Against this background, I had high hopes for the Blitz mode, and so it was that I was somewhat disappointed.

I have to say, Blitz mode does not work in the way I expected it to. I was expecting something along the lines of, say, a first-person sports sim, like Fifa but for Blood Bowl. Instead, what I got was something very similar to the classic mode, just real-time. It was very confusing. What you are supposed to do (according to the manual) is use the Concentration thingy to pause the game and give orders to your players, but it doesn't work anywhere near as well as it is meant to. For example, a friend of mine told me how he had tried to synchronise a pass with his player running into the end zone, only for the player to run away from the ball. I mean, jeez-us.

Anyway, even if you manage to figure out what the hell is going on, you'll soon encounter the second flaw of Blitz mode, namely that the players you haven't ordered around will pretty much wander off and do whatever they please. This can be highly inconvenient, especially if, say, an ogre happens to be beating up on your star player. Eventually, this hamstrings the game so much that you may well find yourself (as I did) rage-quitting in disgust. I mean, how hard can it be to get this right? Maybe I just didn't play it enough, but I think Cyanide could have done so much better with it. After all, how do you mess up a live action version of Blood Bowl?...

I rest my case, Your Honour.

Update

Just as a qualifier for those who know my true identity, Shaun is my Anime Geek. I only just noticed he'd put his name on my site. For those who DO know my first name, it's spelt Sean. Like Connery.

Also, I plan to have finished writing my Batman Forever review within the next few days, so I'll be posting that within the next week or so.

Touchdown!: Blood Bowl (PC) I

It has often been said that, all in all, Blood Bowl is the most addictive game ever invented. I may be wrong, and by all means correct me if so, but once you've started playing you will never stop.

For those who don't know, Blood Bowl started life in 1987 as one of the many tabletop games produced by Games Workshop. It's creator, Jervis Johnson, seems to have pretty much decided that what American Football really needed was fantasy creatures, and it seems he was right. The game has never looked back since (well, it has, but only to qualify oddities that have popped up along the way)

The PC game, entitled Blood Bowl (as you'd have expected it to be), takes the version 5 rules and effectively animates them, creating a living version of the game. This might sound lame (as I write, I am reminded of the Chessmaster series of games which ruined the concept for everyone) but trust me, it's not. Rather than dicking around with the stuff that made the game cool, Cyanide studios has attempted with the utmost diligence to keep true to Jervis' vision, right down to the fans running out of the stands to kick the fuck out of any player who gets pushed off the field. It has kept the dynamics of the teams, has updated some of the players to the point where you wish the miniatures looked like that (I'm thinking of the Orc/Chaos teams here) and even kept many of the little anecdotes you find in the rulebooks. Admittedly, these are in the form of the commentators, who rapidly become background noise very quickly (you'll understand if you play it; they say the same damn things over and over again) but it's the thought that counts.
All in all, the Classic mode (where the game play is effectively the same as that of the board game) is a whole heap of fun. I selected to play a Chaos team at the start, knowing full well that my strengths do not lie in the running plays of the Skaven but in beating people pulpy, and 19 games later I'm freaking unstoppable. I am especially proud of my Minotaur; two advancements later and he's a freaking tank. Everything he touched dies. I'm serious.

The only gripe I really have with this game is the CPU teams. They are dirty god-damn cheats, and don't let anyone tell you different. Whenever the CPU makes a block that should be in my favour (the player they are attacking is very high strength, or has a lot of assists) 9 times out of 10 they'll pull the damn block off. I'm serious, I counted them last time. Of 16 blocks which I had the advantage in, they pulled off 12, and 4 of them knocked my players down. Gragh.

Otherwise I have no problems with classic mode. As to Blitz mode (or realtime mode), I haven't actually got round to playing that yet. Therefore the next post you see here... I'm sure you can guess.

Tally Ho!

On the advice of Monte

Now, as a Toy Soldier (for more info on what that is, see those links I put up - not the ones that lead to either the Nostalgia Critic's stuff or Spoony's videos) I am often in contact with some of the finest minds that Steampunk/Mad Science has to offer. One such mind is Monte, the leader of TSU-UK, a nationwide division of Toy Soldiers. He is a man of wise words.

Now, one day Monte gave me some very good advice. I know it was good advice because Monte gave it. He doesn't give bad advice (at least, he doesn't give bad advice to me) and therefore it is logical to assume that the advice Monte gives is good. Now, the problem is I can't actually remember what the advice was that Monte gave me. This isn't due to it being bad advice; we've discussed why just a few moments ago. This is due to an odd and rather worrying trend I have developed recently, that is to say, that I have developed a bad memory. Therefore it is entirely my fault I have forgotten Monte's advice and not his. Easy, you might say upon hearing this problem, the answer is to recall what it is you sought advice on and by doing so remember the advice. Well, I've forgotten that too. Yes, that's right, I've forgotten what it was I wanted advice on.

The only solution, as far as I can see (and I have 20-20 vision) is to see if Monte can remember what it was that I wanted advice on, and thereby remember what it is his advice actually was. I wish I could remember; I have no idea what it was, but I bet it was important if I asked Monte for advice on it.

Forgetful, crotchety.... and not even into my twenties. Life is grand.

A Warning to the Anime Geek

ANIME GEEEEEEEEEEEEEEK!

You STILL haven't delivered on that Anime Channel season outline you promised! I gave you two whole weeks to do it in, and there is precisely NOTHING on these pages! I'm warning you, Hulkamania runnin' wild on you is going to seem like a therapeutic massage compared to my wrath! If you don't get a move on and get it done in two weeks time, I'm gonna take the 5th book of Love Hina and do something obscenely biological to you with it!

Good day to you, sir. Huff.