This weekend, as part of my rounds as a Toy Soldier, I went off on a jolly little trip to London town. Along with several other soldiers, we journeyed to ExCel London, the convention centre at which this huge event was held and spread some propaganda.
Anyway, it was great fun. I arrived pretty early, figuring that I'd get there in time even with the inevitable cockups that occur on the Underground, and met up with Jack, by room buddy for the night and all-round stand-up guy. We decided that the best way of doing this was to get to the hotel we had booked, check in, dump our stuff and get on down to the convention centre quick-smart. Of course, it didn't work like that.
Our first mishap was to miss the stop for the hotel on the Underground. No big deal, we can always get the one back, it won't cost us much time.
Then we got lost on the next train, the one to the expo.
Fuck, we're late.
Finally we arrived on the first day, and attempted to locate Alice, who was in the con somewhere. After failing to get her to come out front to meet us, we bounded (walked calmly) inside and were promptly ambushed by her. All was well, the convention centre was warm and filled with fun, and most importantly we were finally there. With the three hours(!) left to us, we went and did convention things; hugging cosplayers, marvelling at exhibits (including a great steampunk one) and buying unnecessary stuff. I bought two t-shirts, one for the White Lantern Corps, and one for the Sinestro Corps. WOOO.
The second day went a lot better, though it started badly. The shower head fell off while I was cleaning up and hit me good. However, it quickly brightened up and before you know it, we were back at the expo. The second day was one of the best events I've ever been to.
We waved placards, I met up with Monte (last time I saw him was waaaaaaaaaay back at Games Day '09) and by god did we shift pamphlets. I even met a Darth Vader, complete with stormtroopers, and had a photo with Harley Quinn.
Can't wait for next year, methinks.
Monday, 31 May 2010
Saturday, 15 May 2010
The Projects in May
What am I up to right now? Well, several things.
I am writing, piece by piece, a fan fiction, God spare my soul. Yeah, I know full well that around 89% of fanfics suck epic balls, which, in a way, is kind of why I'm doing this. I want to write not just a fanfic, but one that is actually GOOD. In time, we'll see if I was successful, or if I just added yet more shit to the sewage pile that is the internet.
Secondly, I'm wrestling my way through the exam season. It's not too bad, I have six exams to get through overall, two of which I think I can do well in, so with luck I should be coming out of it in July with good grades. Next stop, university.
Finally, I'm setting about the mammoth task of repainting and replacing my entire existing Iron Warriors army for Warhammer 40,000. Yes, I have heard the jokes about playing with toy soldiers before (I've made a few of them myself) but what these people don't know is how much time and effort goes into this. I must be batshit insane. Any guy can come off the street and paint a model, but if he hasn't done anything like this before it's going to look like he stuck the brush up his arse and jumped up and down on the models. This is no exaggeration; when I started doing this, my first models looked like haemorrhoids. Now, not only do I have to paint this army to a significant standard, I've also got a time limit to do it in, owing to the fact that I was moronic enough to want to do this as part of an internet-based painting event. Fool that I am.
So that's what I'll be doing this merry month, and probably the next few months after.
My work can be followed here:
http://www.bolterandchainsword.com/index.php?showtopic=200004&hl=
I am writing, piece by piece, a fan fiction, God spare my soul. Yeah, I know full well that around 89% of fanfics suck epic balls, which, in a way, is kind of why I'm doing this. I want to write not just a fanfic, but one that is actually GOOD. In time, we'll see if I was successful, or if I just added yet more shit to the sewage pile that is the internet.
Secondly, I'm wrestling my way through the exam season. It's not too bad, I have six exams to get through overall, two of which I think I can do well in, so with luck I should be coming out of it in July with good grades. Next stop, university.
Finally, I'm setting about the mammoth task of repainting and replacing my entire existing Iron Warriors army for Warhammer 40,000. Yes, I have heard the jokes about playing with toy soldiers before (I've made a few of them myself) but what these people don't know is how much time and effort goes into this. I must be batshit insane. Any guy can come off the street and paint a model, but if he hasn't done anything like this before it's going to look like he stuck the brush up his arse and jumped up and down on the models. This is no exaggeration; when I started doing this, my first models looked like haemorrhoids. Now, not only do I have to paint this army to a significant standard, I've also got a time limit to do it in, owing to the fact that I was moronic enough to want to do this as part of an internet-based painting event. Fool that I am.
So that's what I'll be doing this merry month, and probably the next few months after.
My work can be followed here:
http://www.bolterandchainsword.com/index.php?showtopic=200004&hl=
Monday, 19 April 2010
Batman Forever: God, I hope not.
"Well, fuck."
James barker, 2010
Whoah, this post is late by a month. A whole MONTH. I guess work finally overtook me.
Anyway, when Warner Bros. suspected that people were unnerved by Tim Burton's dark, surprisingly adult take on Batman, the replaced him with a more acceptable director for their next two Batman films. That director was Joel Schumacher, and he is the reason fanboys of the dark knight like myself cry ourselves to sleep at night.
Now, don't get me wrong, I think the actors themselves in this film are very good (with the possible exception of Chris O'Donnell, who was merely passable)and the performance of Batman by Val Kilmer is very enjoyable to watch, when he's not trying to use the costume to get off with Nicole Kidman. However, the writers responsible for the script of this film have taken these actors, especially Tommy Lee Jones, far and away one of my favourite actors in the business, and made them repeat dialogue too stupid to be corny. I mean, they basically attempted a sort of dignity geonocide on these poor guys. Believe me, when your script asks for Jones to dance around like an utter clown in one of the most retarded Two-Face costumes ever, you know you're on to a stinker. Many fans have since criticised the film for portraying Harvey Dent as being too much like Jack Nicholson's Joker, and having re-watched the damn thing, I have to agree. Two-Face barely uses the damn coin he is supposed to rely on in the movie, and even when he does, he does things like: "oh, no, it came up good side, better flip again" which completely defeats the point of the character. Seriously, he's supposed to rely on the damn coin so why does he pay no attention to what it tells him?
Now for the Riddler. Between these two, Batman Forever has managed to destroy the dignity of two of my favourite villains. Played properly, the Riddler could have been very cool; a narcissistic genius who is compelled to leave riddles, which presents a genuinely challenging battle for the Batman. Instead, we got what we always get when Jim Carrey walks onto the screen, pure slapstick. Now, don't get me wrong, it's kinda funny when Carrey does this. After all, he basically did it all the way through Bruce Almighty and that film was very funny. The difference here is that I ended up feeling like I wasn't so much witnessing the Riddler as watching Jim Carrey cosplaying as him for laughs. Not a good feeling to have, especially when you suspect, nay, know that Tim Burton would have found a way to make these two a memorable pair, and still kept true to their individual "personalities" as Batman characters.
Ah well, regrets are a waste of good drinking time, so I'll leave in the comfortable knowledge that the Batman films are back under control, and are darker than ever. After all, darkness is what makes Batman so utterly cool, a lesson that Joel Schumacher clearly never learnt.
Commissar, AWAY!
James barker, 2010
Whoah, this post is late by a month. A whole MONTH. I guess work finally overtook me.
Anyway, when Warner Bros. suspected that people were unnerved by Tim Burton's dark, surprisingly adult take on Batman, the replaced him with a more acceptable director for their next two Batman films. That director was Joel Schumacher, and he is the reason fanboys of the dark knight like myself cry ourselves to sleep at night.
Now, don't get me wrong, I think the actors themselves in this film are very good (with the possible exception of Chris O'Donnell, who was merely passable)and the performance of Batman by Val Kilmer is very enjoyable to watch, when he's not trying to use the costume to get off with Nicole Kidman. However, the writers responsible for the script of this film have taken these actors, especially Tommy Lee Jones, far and away one of my favourite actors in the business, and made them repeat dialogue too stupid to be corny. I mean, they basically attempted a sort of dignity geonocide on these poor guys. Believe me, when your script asks for Jones to dance around like an utter clown in one of the most retarded Two-Face costumes ever, you know you're on to a stinker. Many fans have since criticised the film for portraying Harvey Dent as being too much like Jack Nicholson's Joker, and having re-watched the damn thing, I have to agree. Two-Face barely uses the damn coin he is supposed to rely on in the movie, and even when he does, he does things like: "oh, no, it came up good side, better flip again" which completely defeats the point of the character. Seriously, he's supposed to rely on the damn coin so why does he pay no attention to what it tells him?
Now for the Riddler. Between these two, Batman Forever has managed to destroy the dignity of two of my favourite villains. Played properly, the Riddler could have been very cool; a narcissistic genius who is compelled to leave riddles, which presents a genuinely challenging battle for the Batman. Instead, we got what we always get when Jim Carrey walks onto the screen, pure slapstick. Now, don't get me wrong, it's kinda funny when Carrey does this. After all, he basically did it all the way through Bruce Almighty and that film was very funny. The difference here is that I ended up feeling like I wasn't so much witnessing the Riddler as watching Jim Carrey cosplaying as him for laughs. Not a good feeling to have, especially when you suspect, nay, know that Tim Burton would have found a way to make these two a memorable pair, and still kept true to their individual "personalities" as Batman characters.
Ah well, regrets are a waste of good drinking time, so I'll leave in the comfortable knowledge that the Batman films are back under control, and are darker than ever. After all, darkness is what makes Batman so utterly cool, a lesson that Joel Schumacher clearly never learnt.
Commissar, AWAY!
Monday, 22 February 2010
Fumbled Pass: Blood Bowl (PC) II
In my last post, we cleared up the fact that Cyanide studios have done a sterling job of translating the game of Blood Bowl to a digital format. It's fun in all the ways the original game was; the feeling of making a long pass for a touchdown will never leave you, believe me. Against this background, I had high hopes for the Blitz mode, and so it was that I was somewhat disappointed.
I have to say, Blitz mode does not work in the way I expected it to. I was expecting something along the lines of, say, a first-person sports sim, like Fifa but for Blood Bowl. Instead, what I got was something very similar to the classic mode, just real-time. It was very confusing. What you are supposed to do (according to the manual) is use the Concentration thingy to pause the game and give orders to your players, but it doesn't work anywhere near as well as it is meant to. For example, a friend of mine told me how he had tried to synchronise a pass with his player running into the end zone, only for the player to run away from the ball. I mean, jeez-us.
Anyway, even if you manage to figure out what the hell is going on, you'll soon encounter the second flaw of Blitz mode, namely that the players you haven't ordered around will pretty much wander off and do whatever they please. This can be highly inconvenient, especially if, say, an ogre happens to be beating up on your star player. Eventually, this hamstrings the game so much that you may well find yourself (as I did) rage-quitting in disgust. I mean, how hard can it be to get this right? Maybe I just didn't play it enough, but I think Cyanide could have done so much better with it. After all, how do you mess up a live action version of Blood Bowl?...
I rest my case, Your Honour.
I have to say, Blitz mode does not work in the way I expected it to. I was expecting something along the lines of, say, a first-person sports sim, like Fifa but for Blood Bowl. Instead, what I got was something very similar to the classic mode, just real-time. It was very confusing. What you are supposed to do (according to the manual) is use the Concentration thingy to pause the game and give orders to your players, but it doesn't work anywhere near as well as it is meant to. For example, a friend of mine told me how he had tried to synchronise a pass with his player running into the end zone, only for the player to run away from the ball. I mean, jeez-us.
Anyway, even if you manage to figure out what the hell is going on, you'll soon encounter the second flaw of Blitz mode, namely that the players you haven't ordered around will pretty much wander off and do whatever they please. This can be highly inconvenient, especially if, say, an ogre happens to be beating up on your star player. Eventually, this hamstrings the game so much that you may well find yourself (as I did) rage-quitting in disgust. I mean, how hard can it be to get this right? Maybe I just didn't play it enough, but I think Cyanide could have done so much better with it. After all, how do you mess up a live action version of Blood Bowl?...
I rest my case, Your Honour.
Monday, 15 February 2010
Update
Just as a qualifier for those who know my true identity, Shaun is my Anime Geek. I only just noticed he'd put his name on my site. For those who DO know my first name, it's spelt Sean. Like Connery.
Also, I plan to have finished writing my Batman Forever review within the next few days, so I'll be posting that within the next week or so.
Touchdown!: Blood Bowl (PC) I
It has often been said that, all in all, Blood Bowl is the most addictive game ever invented. I may be wrong, and by all means correct me if so, but once you've started playing you will never stop.
For those who don't know, Blood Bowl started life in 1987 as one of the many tabletop games produced by Games Workshop. It's creator, Jervis Johnson, seems to have pretty much decided that what American Football really needed was fantasy creatures, and it seems he was right. The game has never looked back since (well, it has, but only to qualify oddities that have popped up along the way)
The PC game, entitled Blood Bowl (as you'd have expected it to be), takes the version 5 rules and effectively animates them, creating a living version of the game. This might sound lame (as I write, I am reminded of the Chessmaster series of games which ruined the concept for everyone) but trust me, it's not. Rather than dicking around with the stuff that made the game cool, Cyanide studios has attempted with the utmost diligence to keep true to Jervis' vision, right down to the fans running out of the stands to kick the fuck out of any player who gets pushed off the field. It has kept the dynamics of the teams, has updated some of the players to the point where you wish the miniatures looked like that (I'm thinking of the Orc/Chaos teams here) and even kept many of the little anecdotes you find in the rulebooks. Admittedly, these are in the form of the commentators, who rapidly become background noise very quickly (you'll understand if you play it; they say the same damn things over and over again) but it's the thought that counts.
All in all, the Classic mode (where the game play is effectively the same as that of the board game) is a whole heap of fun. I selected to play a Chaos team at the start, knowing full well that my strengths do not lie in the running plays of the Skaven but in beating people pulpy, and 19 games later I'm freaking unstoppable. I am especially proud of my Minotaur; two advancements later and he's a freaking tank. Everything he touched dies. I'm serious.
All in all, the Classic mode (where the game play is effectively the same as that of the board game) is a whole heap of fun. I selected to play a Chaos team at the start, knowing full well that my strengths do not lie in the running plays of the Skaven but in beating people pulpy, and 19 games later I'm freaking unstoppable. I am especially proud of my Minotaur; two advancements later and he's a freaking tank. Everything he touched dies. I'm serious.
The only gripe I really have with this game is the CPU teams. They are dirty god-damn cheats, and don't let anyone tell you different. Whenever the CPU makes a block that should be in my favour (the player they are attacking is very high strength, or has a lot of assists) 9 times out of 10 they'll pull the damn block off. I'm serious, I counted them last time. Of 16 blocks which I had the advantage in, they pulled off 12, and 4 of them knocked my players down. Gragh.
Otherwise I have no problems with classic mode. As to Blitz mode (or realtime mode), I haven't actually got round to playing that yet. Therefore the next post you see here... I'm sure you can guess.
Tally Ho!
Sunday, 7 February 2010
On the advice of Monte
Now, as a Toy Soldier (for more info on what that is, see those links I put up - not the ones that lead to either the Nostalgia Critic's stuff or Spoony's videos) I am often in contact with some of the finest minds that Steampunk/Mad Science has to offer. One such mind is Monte, the leader of TSU-UK, a nationwide division of Toy Soldiers. He is a man of wise words.
Now, one day Monte gave me some very good advice. I know it was good advice because Monte gave it. He doesn't give bad advice (at least, he doesn't give bad advice to me) and therefore it is logical to assume that the advice Monte gives is good. Now, the problem is I can't actually remember what the advice was that Monte gave me. This isn't due to it being bad advice; we've discussed why just a few moments ago. This is due to an odd and rather worrying trend I have developed recently, that is to say, that I have developed a bad memory. Therefore it is entirely my fault I have forgotten Monte's advice and not his. Easy, you might say upon hearing this problem, the answer is to recall what it is you sought advice on and by doing so remember the advice. Well, I've forgotten that too. Yes, that's right, I've forgotten what it was I wanted advice on.
Now, one day Monte gave me some very good advice. I know it was good advice because Monte gave it. He doesn't give bad advice (at least, he doesn't give bad advice to me) and therefore it is logical to assume that the advice Monte gives is good. Now, the problem is I can't actually remember what the advice was that Monte gave me. This isn't due to it being bad advice; we've discussed why just a few moments ago. This is due to an odd and rather worrying trend I have developed recently, that is to say, that I have developed a bad memory. Therefore it is entirely my fault I have forgotten Monte's advice and not his. Easy, you might say upon hearing this problem, the answer is to recall what it is you sought advice on and by doing so remember the advice. Well, I've forgotten that too. Yes, that's right, I've forgotten what it was I wanted advice on.
The only solution, as far as I can see (and I have 20-20 vision) is to see if Monte can remember what it was that I wanted advice on, and thereby remember what it is his advice actually was. I wish I could remember; I have no idea what it was, but I bet it was important if I asked Monte for advice on it.
Forgetful, crotchety.... and not even into my twenties. Life is grand.
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