Watching the Watchmen

"Well, it's better than being shot in the eye, isn't it?"
James Barker, 2010

I am something of a sucker for a good comic book. Batman: The Killing Joke, Batman: Hush, Joker; you name it, I probably liked it a great deal. There are, of course, exeptions (bloody Civil War plotline) but I really do not wish to go there. Anyway, by and large, one of my utter favourites is the Watchmen, by Alan Moore, with the art of Dave Gibbons. Anyone, anyone at all, who still doubts that comics and graphic novels are more than just sucky geekish pulp fiction, read this comic, then shut the fuck up. So good was this masterpiece that it was even in the Times Magazines' 100 best English-language novels list.

Anyway, we've established that this is a good comic. Now, let us push it aside for a moment (sigh) and trun our attention to the film. Released in 2009 and directed by Zack Snyder, this was one of the biggest blockbusters of that year. I personally was bombarded by reccomendations from most of my friends, with the exception of Pone, but he's never been into comics in any real way, so that's alright. Well, as I got it for Christmas on DVD, it seemed like the perfect time to see what everyone was so hyped up about.

OK, I'm going out on a limb here. Are you ready? Sure? Good. I was dissapointed by the Watchmen. And yes, I know that many of the people out there (especially you obsessive super-fans) will leap out of your seats and scream "Heresy!" upon reading this, but hear me out. It was not as good as I would have liked it to be.
Now, don't get me wrong here, I really liked this film. It just didn't live up to my expectations.
Ok, we'll start with all of the good things I found. Firstly, there's Rorschach. DUDE. If there is one thing just right about this film, it's Rorschach. Everything is right; the creepy monotone voice, the wanton and vaguely cartoonish violence (I just loved it when he shot a guy with his grappling gun) and even his physical stature was bang on. I did think perhaps that he was a little too Martial-artsy in the fighting scenes, as the Rorschach in the comic is a dirty fighter of the highest order, but this did not dampen my adoration for this character in any way. After all, you can never see too many roundhouse-related broken jaws.
I also thought that the film's interpretation of Dr. Manhattan was very good, too. As far as I was concerned, Billy Crudup did the character justice. I was slightly alarmed, however, at the lengths they went to to make sure Crudup's ego didn't get punctured. You see, for a great deal of both the film and the comic, Dr. Manhattan walks, floats, and kills the fuck out of people entirely naked. And this is full-frontal nudity; none of that convenient-leaf bullshit you see in X-Men Origins: Wolverine. The thing is, I can understand a guy not wanting to be accused of lacking in the trouser dept. but JEEEE-SUS. Manhattan's wang is freakin' huge. Huge, and it waggles. Onscreen. I mean, talk about flattering a main actor.

Now, on to the things I didn't like. Now, don't misjudge me here, but I did NOT like Silk Spectre. Yes, she's smokin' hot, and you do get a bit of boob action, but she really sucks at acting. I'm serious. I saw her protray AT THE MOST three, maybe four emotions, and one of those doesn't count because she was pretending to throw up. This is something I have noticed over the past few months (Transformers 1 is particularly guilty of this), that the chicks in films seem to have been selected for their figures rather than their acting capability. Now, I like a good pair of breasts on-screen as much as the next guy (arguably more so, as I don't get out much) but if that's all directors hire an actress for these days, I don't think you should be expecting Oscar-winning performances anytime soon, know what I mean?

My other major gripe was with Ozymandias. Not as an actor (Matthew Goode was good in his role as Adrian Veidt) but as a physical specimen. Ozymandias in the comic is this strapping, muscular, handsome superman, the kind of man that Hitler wished he was - and Goode just wasn't a match for him, physically. His face was just that little bit too narrow, his body too slim and nowhere near as musclebound as Veidts, and his staure was somewhat less than impressive. He reminded me of a gay model, actually. But this was less of a gripe, because unlike the Silk Spectre, at least Ozymandias could act, although again I think that Goode came across as just a little bit too arrogant and conceited, rather than the calm, collected rationality we see in the comic. I think this let him down a bit, as I found myself willing Nite Owl to kick Ozymandias in the 'nads just to shut him up for a bit.

But at the end of the day, there was more than enough good stuff to outweigh the bad stuff. Jeffer Dean Morgan as the Comedian was easily the show-stealer, with exactly the right amount of lawless badassery to keep me sated. And, of course, there was a lot of amazing fight scenes, including my favourite one from the comic in which Sally Jupiter and Dan Dreiberg (Silk Spectre and Nite Owl respectively) take out an entire gang of armed ruffians, and do it with a certain brutal flair that appeals to my bitter, sadistic nature. Oh, and Richard Nixon made me laugh in every scene he was in.

And in the end, isn't that all you need in a superhero movie?

Update Ver. II: Delays

Yeah.
Ok, to be fair, I totally was intending to have finished my Watchmen review by now. It's just that, well, there was these exams, and I had to revise for them, and.....
Anyway, on other fronts, I have secured a suitable Gaijin-Otaku to deal with the Anime and other stuff I didn't want to watch (it's really hard to find, I swear. It also makes my head hurt) so that's out of the way. I still have to give him the password, so it may actually be a while before he makes an appearance, but oh well. I mean, it's fun to tease him with this sort of thing.

Also, I have secured some material for my next few reviews. These films shall suffer my wrath!
Batman Forever (with that unutterably gay Two-Face. I very nearly had a seizure)
Terminator (DUDE. Cyberpunk has never been so cool)
Pumpkinhead (a cult classic, apparently)
Dead or Alive (Boobs?)
Tomb Raider (I had to, guys. The game series must be a avenged!)

SO WATCH THIS SPACE.

Update

Totally forgot to mention that I'm not the only one writing on these pages. I am currently rounding up an Anime Geek for the purposes of light entertainment (plus I can snigger at him as he tries to pass off Neon Genesis Evangelion as a well-respected and artful film) and he will be writing his thoughts on his latest dish of Japan-based absurdity.

He also happens to be one of my best friends, meaning I can be as mean to him as I like and he'll take it all - God bless him.

I declare this blog officially OPEN

Let me just say right now, I have the greatest repect for those hardworking Vloggers who gave me the inspiration to do this. Spoony, Nostalgia Critic, this one's for you guys.

And on with the show. Basically, as a hardworking geek, I have a great love of the things that society ignores; comic books, video games and wargames/RPGs in particular.
One of the things I've noticed during my life (in relation to this, of course) is that, whenever a comic-book film or game-film gets made, one of two things will happen. Either the resultant film will be a pinnacle of excellence (a la Batman Begins or The Dark Knight) or it will be depressingly, soul-drainingly awful. I'm looking at YOU, X-Men Origins: Wolverine.
And it's the second category I hate the most. The example turd film (which I loathe too much to name a second time) is basically guilty of the most abominable crimes against Humanity. It totally disregarded Marvel's mythos and background plot, instead making up some shit that never actually happened, and raped - I must repeat the word - RAPED the character of Wolverine mercilessly.
RAAAAAAARG.
Anyway, so in response to such vile deeds, I felt I needed to speak out.
Of course, if I post my thoughts on too many bad films, I may well have a psychotic epsiode, so I will also tell ye the tales of the films I loved. That way, I stay sane.
First "proper" post - this one doesn't count 'cause I'm introducing my good self - will take care of the Watchmen film.
...enjoy.